Our Hell


~On This Day In Old Timey Days :: What’s Wrong With America
July 28, 2008, 12:02 am
Filed under: On This Day in Old Timey Days

:: July 28 . 1866 ::

The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States.

But it never caught on.  The United States, Liberia and Myanmar are the only countries that have yet to institute it.

““The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it.” – Grampa Simpson

I can only say what the fuck.

:: July 28 . 1965 ::

U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 125,000.

What the fuck America?  Why would you piss off Mynamar, Vietnam’s biggest trading partner and your fellow metric system deserter?  Who did you call when you needed to convert furlongs to kilometres? Liberia? Ha.

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~When We Die :: We Just Stop Breathing
July 27, 2008, 11:58 pm
Filed under: When We Die



~Today Is The Day :: The Kids in the Hall Teach Us About God
July 21, 2008, 10:56 am
Filed under: Today is the Day

Dr. Seuss Bible

“For they walk through this life in toe-crappity shoes.”

___________________________________________________________________

God is Dead

“God did exist, he died, he was very small.”

___________________________________________________________________

God or Dog?

“We could wind up constantly wiping our eyes in a downpour while trying to dance to Leonard Cohen music.”

___________________________________________________________________

And a gratuitous inclusion of a Kids in the Hall sketch with my namesake, Melanie, and her boyfriend.



~Thoughts That Were Better Than Your Thoughts :: Leonardo’s Robot

“Leonardo’s robot refers to a humanoid automaton designed by Leonardo da Vinci around the year 1495.”

“The robot is a knight, clad in German-Italian medieval armour, that is apparently able to make several human-like motions. These motions included sitting up, moving its arms, neck, and an anatomically correct jaw.” (Wikipedia)

Even NASA gave him props.

Read more here and here.



~Today is the Day :: I Am A Colossal Failure
June 23, 2008, 12:49 pm
Filed under: Today is the Day

Well, to be fair, it’s not just today.

And even if I eventually succeed, I’ve already lost.

 



~How To Alienate Yourself :: Word Usage at Work
June 21, 2008, 12:47 pm
Filed under: How To Alienate Yourself | Tags: , ,

“After ample consideration of the upward thrust we have just ridden, I think it would be inscrutable to take this company in a new and exciting direction.  Inter-managerial relations are in the midst of an orgiastic flurry of reinvention and reassessment. We need to have all of our aces in the hole and all of our best men on the job. It’s time to solidify the investors’ desires and get anal about our technical development.  We fixed up that axe wound from our last bust well, we just need to remember to cover our assets.  The back-end approach we’ve been taking could be revamped and overhauled.  We will be moving bilaterally, and urging all of you to hang on.  It may be hard at first but if we all get our hands a little dirty and put our nose to the grindstone, I believe we can have at ‘er and see this through to the climax.  After all, we don’t want to have egg on our face.  We want to come out smiling.  

Randy, I believe you wanted to give your oral presentation next?”

Teehee.



~When We Die :: Will It Hurt?

“No, Billy, it won’t hurt.”

Billy, here are the possible ways in which it would, in fact, hurt.