Our Hell


~On This Day in Old Timey Days ::
February 3, 2009, 12:31 pm
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:: February 3. 1917::

The United States broke off diplomatic relations with Germany due to the Germans’ announced policy of unrestricted submarine warfare.

usvgerman

You know what?  Good.  That was a good idea.  I’ve broken off diplomatic relations with the German company that laid me off, too.  “Closing the North American office”, you say?  I am resurrecting Captain America and he is coming over there to wrap great bratwurstian links around your incompetent and unorganized little necks.  Your business model is fallible!



~On This Day In Old Timey Days :: What’s Wrong With America
July 28, 2008, 12:02 am
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:: July 28 . 1866 ::

The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States.

But it never caught on.  The United States, Liberia and Myanmar are the only countries that have yet to institute it.

““The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it.” – Grampa Simpson

I can only say what the fuck.

:: July 28 . 1965 ::

U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 125,000.

What the fuck America?  Why would you piss off Mynamar, Vietnam’s biggest trading partner and your fellow metric system deserter?  Who did you call when you needed to convert furlongs to kilometres? Liberia? Ha.



~On This Day in Old Timey Days :: Baseball and Perfectionism
June 21, 2008, 12:06 pm
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:: July 21 . 1964 ::

Future baseball Hall-of-Famer and U.S. senator Jim Bunning pitches a perfect game for the Philadelphia Phillies, the first perfect game in the National League in 84 years.

Those who know me may not consider me a perfectionist as I normally have food in my hair, I often end my sentences in prepositions and I honestly don’t do much at all.  But,  in my imperfect little heart, I desire absolute compliance with my utopian ideals.  

Perfectionism.

Knowing that perfection is not a logical or sustainable choice really does nothing to deter my unconscious. 

Instead of beginning and succeeding at projects, I set my sights on the infallible end goal.  Any failure on my part to live up to my expectations causes such projects to be forgotten.  

Perfection only exists in math.

 



~On This Day in Old Timey Days :: Sticker Collections and Gluttony
June 10, 2008, 2:05 pm
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:: June 10 . 2008 ::

The United States Patent Office issues the first patent for the window-pane envelope.

This time-saving device allowed mail-senders to omit costly and sticky mailing labels.

All of this extra glue-backed paper allowed enterprising businessmen to develop the much-loved and oft-misplaced sticker.

:: June 10 . 1977 ::

Killer Perch gets captured.

Man who aided in capture disagreed that one-pound fish could eat 6,000 goldfish.



~On This Day in Old Timey Days :: Howl and Fluxus

:: June 03 . 1926 ::

Allen Ginsberg, renowned Beat poet, is born in New Jersey.  

He will go on to write letters to The New York Times about political issues such as World War II and workers’ rights, meet William S. Burroughs and join NAMBLA as a “means of free speech.”  Oh yeah, and he managed to write Howl, which was considered obscene for its time and ultimately helped to liberalize what could be published in the United States.

As a cause of this liberation, we were fortunate enough to be given such fine publications as Sex to Sexty,  Dude, Where’s My Country? and Woody Allen: A Biography.

Howl, also inspired American composer, John Cage, to pen “Writing Through Howl”.

John Cage was a major source of the American arm of the Fluxus movement.

Fluxus boxes

and Yoko Ono

were both products that can be attributed to Cage.

Watch : Yoko Ono – New York Woman ()



~On This Day in Old Timey Days :: Pyres and Knife Safety

:: May 30 . 1431 ::

Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.

The most notable result of this was Leonard Cohen’s song “Joan of Arc”. Hear it and be warm.

:: May 30 . 1997 ::

Neil Young canceled his European tour because he had cut his finger while slicing a ham sandwich.

Maybe he was remembering his personally regrettable but amazing album, Trans.

Fuck, I love “We R In Control”. Listen and control the flow of heat.



~On This Day in Old Timey Days :: Spelling and Cannibalism
May 29, 2008, 1:56 am
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:: May 29, 1986 ::

During the 59th National Spelling Bee: Jon Pennington wins by spelling odontalgia.

Odontalgia:

A medical condition described as a state in which a tooth exudes great pain but no cause can be found.

Symptoms may be described as a continuous burning or aching pain in the tooth or the bone surrounding the tooth. Despite examination and even surgical procedures, nothing is medically wrong with the sufferer.

This condition has been ascribed to a few probable causes including psychological disorders, nerve damage and vascular problems.

What I Think:

Most likely this phenomenon is caused by psychological disorders caused by a patient’s deep desire to engage in cannibalistic rituals. It is a classic example of the ability of the brain to localize physical pain in the area most affected by suppressed thoughts.

Enjoy the rest of your day!