Filed under: How To Alienate Yourself
Ways to accomplish this:
1. You are a new mother. Talk to your fellow lady friends (all unwed and kid-free) and discuss in great detail every aspect of your baby’s development. Don’t forget to gush endlessly about how different and how womanly you feel. Conversely, don’t forget to mention how worthless and lifeless and you feel now that another being is sucking vitamins out of your mammaries.
2. You are a new father. Discuss anything with your guy friends other than how gross it was to see that come out of there.
3. You are an unpartnered male or female. The experience is different here based on your sex. If female, you will look like a baby-starved man-eater. If male, the authorities will be at your door in the morning.
Filed under: On This Day in Old Timey Days
:: July 28 . 1866 ::
The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States.
But it never caught on. The United States, Liberia and Myanmar are the only countries that have yet to institute it.
““The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it.” – Grampa Simpson
I can only say what the fuck.
:: July 28 . 1965 ::
U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 125,000.
What the fuck America? Why would you piss off Mynamar, Vietnam’s biggest trading partner and your fellow metric system deserter? Who did you call when you needed to convert furlongs to kilometres? Liberia? Ha.
Filed under: Today is the Day
Dr. Seuss Bible
“For they walk through this life in toe-crappity shoes.”
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God is Dead
“God did exist, he died, he was very small.”
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God or Dog?
“We could wind up constantly wiping our eyes in a downpour while trying to dance to Leonard Cohen music.”
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And a gratuitous inclusion of a Kids in the Hall sketch with my namesake, Melanie, and her boyfriend.
